Place, Space, Peace

My favorite chair sits in the middle of what I have already declared my favorite room. The room, my "office" is right off my bedroom, in the front of the house, facing the street. It remains unfinished, at this point just a collection of small pieces and big ideas. My favorite chair sits smack in the middle of this unfinished room, and I've recently taken to spending parts of my day in here. And these times, spent closed off from the rest of my world - in the dark, in the cold, wrapped up in my blanket - have become some of my favorite times.

I set out to "build" this room as MY space, set apart, dedicated solely to recharging my spirit and feeding my soul. I have envisioned (and still plan on) doing great things in this room - studying, writing, reading, praying, meditating, yoga, working, working out. But right now, I've just taken to BEING in this room. The past few days I've come in with a book, but mostly I've just wanted to sit, and think, and BE...and it has been really great. I can hear the world right outside my window, and hear people coming back and forth looking for me in my room...with no idea that I'm siting in the dark on the other side of the door. It's been pretty liberating, stealing a slice of time for me...

And when I'm ready, I'm free to press play, and resume my life at will.

Signage...

Sooo...I saw this sign while exiting a JCPenney in Manhattan. Why, oh why, would there be a need to specify that this exit will lead to the NYC Subway?!?! You mean as opposed to the DC Metro?!?! *confuzzled*

Brown Babe goes nude...

The weather in these parts has been awesome-sauce of late - 60s & 70s! For the most part, especially in the winter I'm a black and grey kinda girl - so as I'm trying to scare up some pre-Spring appropriate attire I realized, I don't have any brown shoes - none, nada, zip, zero. Something must have gone wrong in the last shoe purge during the move because I could have sworn I owned at least one!

Anywho...with a big shopping trip on the horizon, I'm saving my pennies and have vowed not to make any major purchases until I can get to the outlets!!! So I went on the hunt for inexpensive, comfy (a post 30 must), cute shoe that I can get on the ground.

I saw this pair in Macy's - the Nine West Ambitious pump:

Nine West pumps

Which I completely fell in love with, and will definitely come back for - but it wasn't in the current budget.

Then I got a tip to check out Target. While I've never really been a big fan of their shoes, I figure desperate times call for desperate measures. I went in searching for this shoe - the Mossimo Pearce pump:


But they didnt have it, so I walked out of the store with the Merona Mari pump:


Now, if I wasn't in a bind, I would have left them right in the store, because its so not my style...but they fit the search criteria, and gave me the opportunity to play with the "nude" look I've been eyeing for a while. Let me tell you, its hard to achieve for a brown girl. Here's what I got:



Me likey!

The unexamined life...

"The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates

I would have to agree, and venture to add that the "living" you do in the midst of an unexamined life, is not truly living at all.

I have been unplugged from the Matrix for quite some time. Not in the revolutionary, "emancipate your self from mental slavery" sense, but in the - this is all just too much, I'd rather not, sense. I've stopped writing/journaling, I've stopped praying, I've stopped going to church, I've stopped keeping up with the blogosphere. Anything that could potentially serve as an outlet for self-reflection...I've disconnected from.

And I've done this before. I've been here before. But in a way that I felt, knew, acknowledged that something was wrong and I was unbelievably sad. Now, I'm just unbelievably numb, and feel like I've accepted that this is just the way it is. Which scares me a bit - to be on auto-pilot, "living" my life, but not living it at all.

So, this is step one in trying to shake that fog. My 33rd birthday is in 10 days! I'm planning a spa vacation with two of my favorite people, and I am genuinely excited about the change of scenery (and the spa, of course!)

And I plan to start connecting again - I'm praying for guidance and direction.

Fasting from Distraction

A consistent prayer for me has to help clear my mind and restore my focus. I always feel like my mind is being pulled in a thousand different directions and I'm not able to do any one thing well because I'm doing all things half-azzed.

During the first ten days of the year I started a fast from distraction - TV, music (except for worship & praise music), PEOPLE and social media.

The basis of this fast was a few words that kept being placed in my spirit from different sources, but all with the same message - "as a man thinketh, so is he". Your output is a product of your input so we need to be careful of what you allow into your thoughts, because those things contribute to what will manifest in your life.

Coming off of those first 10 days, I felt a greater awareness of my mind. I began to see and hear a lot of things more clearly because I had turned down all of the outside noise of my life. And it became abundantly clear to me that my social media involvement (read: addiction) was a major source of my distraction.

Clearing away the noise felt good...so much so that I decided that I was going to fast from social media for Lent.

Let me tell you - 40 days is significantly longer than 10 :o) and it indeed proved to be a struggle for me. And I was not quite as adherent to the fast as I should have been. I truly did feel like an addict, finding the littlest of reasons to pop up over on facebook, etc. But for the most part, I did press on and was rewarded at the end with:

• a greater mental clarity
• less distraction, especially during my work day, allowing me to remain focused and be more productive
• the ability to see/hear things that would have otherwise been clouded out by the noise
• decreased inundation of the thoughts/opinions of others, leaving room for my own to form more genuinely
  

But, believe me, it wasn't all roses, butterflies, and puppies. I revealed some things about myself that were hard to see/hear - that were easier to deal with drowned out by the noise. And I noticed that my habit was bordering on addiction...not cool.

Since I've been back though, I've realized how much I've missed all the "friends in my head" that I made, through the blogs especially, and the unique voice they all have in my day. I've been taking my time and going through my backlog, but feeling no great need to clear the >1K message showing on my RSS feed. (As I've been catching up, I see that when you miss a little, you miss a lot!) I also realized that I have a lot of things to say...about me, about life, about the world, and yes, even about hair - so I need to utilize this outlet a little better in getting those words out into the atmosphere. Even if no one else "hears" them.

I would definitely suggest that everyone take some time to fast from the unique distractions of their own lives (cause I know I'm not the only one that's got them!) Take some time to quiet down the noise that bombards your life...see how much it changes your perspective.

Wednesday Randomness!

I read this and literally LOL'd. If you are as random as I, I'm sure you'll relate to many and may even have some to add. Happy Wednesday!

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8.Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

31. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!