Thursday, September 16, 2010

Just Keep Swimming

I have been struggling with a hyper thyroid gland for over two years now (I did not know before, but am not acutely aware, that the thyroid literally controls your whole body *le sigh*).

I had not been feeling well for the past few weeks so I went into the doctor this morning. He tells me that I've been on drug therapy for over two years and if I were going to go into remission I would have done so by now. It may be time to consider radioactive iodine I don't know about you, but radioactive anything is not something I want in my body! Since I've been diagnosed, I have been pretty much set against any drastic treatments like this or surgery which has always been mentioned. I barely want to be taking the meds I'm on!

So I left the office feeling a little sad, and praying, but still a little sad. And whenever I start feeling a little down I start singing to myself Dori's line from Finding Nemo - "just keep swimming, just keep swimming..." It makes me smile, and helps me keep a positive attitude and keep moving forward.

"I have decided that I will run this race until I finish. I will not faint. I will not grow weary. I will run. I will press toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me. I will run this race with endurance. I will cast off all negativity which is weighing me down." !

I am still believing in God for my healing. I will keep praying, keep running and will not faint. I will just keep swimming...

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Flying High on the Wings of Forgiveness...

I struggle with forgiveness. I tend to hold on to hurt, but I'm working on me, and learning how to just let go...

I am about a year out of a 4 year relationship (I started to write recently, because it still feels pretty fresh). But in my struggle to get over the bad and appreciate the good I stumbled upon this post in one of my favorite inspirational blogs: Peace, Love & Pretty Things. It literally felt like she wrote out the words on my heart. I copied this into my phone and read it every once in a while to remind myself that its OK to let go, that its important to not only forgive the person who hurt you, but to forgive yourself as well. I own my short comings, and I do believe going through has helped me on the road to a better me. So in the end I am genuinely thankful...even for the pain!

"I forgive you for everything that you have done that has caused me pain. I release the notion that you owe or have ever owed me anything, other than to be yourself and to reveal the truth of who you are. I release you from any obligation that I perceived you to have to protect my feelings. I am grateful to you for leaving my life and making room for someone else to come in--someone who is good for me, right now, right where I am.

I forgive myself for any pain that I have ever caused you. I forgive myself for not always showing you the truth of who I am. I forgive myself for any times that I was not as loving as I could have possibly been or that I didn't try as hard as I could have. I forgive myself for trying to keep you in my life when it was time for you to move on, and for not being strong enough to let you leave before our relationship was broken beyond repair. I allow myself to have the peace of knowing that I loved you, had your best interests at heart, and was as honest with you as I could be based on the information that I had about myself. I am thankful for the lessons I have learned that now allow me to know more about myself than I did before. I am thankful for all the growth I experienced through my relationship with you.

I release all hurt, anger, guilt, shame, resentment, regret and sadness tied to you or to what we once had. I now open myself to receive healing, comfort, love, compassion and peace. I am love...and like attracts like. I am thankful for the new things that are in store for my life."